Prepare For Roses and Thorns in Your Adoption and Foster Care Journey!

From an early age, Melinda Lis – who works as the Vice President of the Academy for Spaulding for Children – knew she not only wanted to work in child welfare but adopt children from the system as well.

And she did – with a long career and three adopted boys (and two biological children) who are all grown now. One of Melinda’s boys she adopted as an adult after he spent time living with them when he was in the child welfare system.

“Often times, no matter how old you are, you want a family,” she said.

She said they considered him part of our family; he called them mom and dad but we had not finalized the relationship through adoption. One day, Melinda asked him if he wanted to be adopted and he said yes.

All of Melinda’s children were adopted from the child welfare system and she said she felt called to adopt from a very young age. She knew many children needed homes and she intended to help.

“I wasn’t looking for a child to fill my home, I was looking to help out a child looking for permanent home,” she said. “My husband intentionally made the decision to adopt knowing that it would not be all roses.”

She said she is glad her family could keep two biological brothers together and also maintain a relationship with their older brother who had been adopted by a different home. Although there were many good times, there were also many struggles.

“You have to reshape what you think about family,” Melinda said. “You have to be OK with successes that might not seem like successes to others. Most of these kids have been through a lot. They have significant trauma.”

For families looking at foster care or adoption, Melinda says you really need to assess why you want to do this and make sure it’s the right choice for you and your family.

“You need to go into it with your eyes wide open and be willing to change your family dynamics,” she said. “You have to be in it for the long haul.

“It’s not always a straight path. It has twists and turns, but it makes for a dynamic family.”

Her personal experiences have helped inform her work, bringing additional nuance and perspective. For families looking to adopt or foster, she said it’s critical to learn all you can and talk to other families who have gone down this path.

“Be really well informed before you take that first step as you don’t want to take a child into your home and then decide it is not the right choice for you,” Melinda said.